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When people ask me why I eat so healthy, I think: Try almost dying. At 16. When you feel so close to death, as if his invisible arms are around you, trapping you, locking your neck, your chest, threatening to strangle you. With all your power, you fight to breathe and be reminded that you are completely unaccomplished. That your life must not end this way. For if it does, you would have lived a life trapped in the wonderful rat race you were born in. Without any chance to break out of it. With that, you press on and tell yourself to breathe. A voluntary action becomes a reminder.
Of course I don’t say that out. But death is a taboo topic that I revel in. And sometimes people don’t understand.
I may be thinking about death a little too much these days.--- 20 hours ago --- ---
I remember the times I cried in the middle of the night at 3 and I called my friend/classmate. It was pathetic, really, but I didn’t know anyone who would be awake at 3. Just. Needed. Someone. Today, the poignant reminder makes me upset yet again.
Do humans cease to live when they stop feeling?
The irony; crying over the loss of emotions. Such sweet torture.
I think I’ve been reading too many sad books recently.--- 20 hours ago --- ---
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Who hasn’t asked himself, am I a monster or is this what it means to be human?
Clarice Lispector, The Hour of the Star
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Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.
If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way.
Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, and watching days go by and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.
Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire—overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.Julien Smith. (via thewastedgeneration)
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